Running Away From Memories
by Diamondsonmyteeth
Summary: The Baroness's idea for a party stirs up memories in Louisa she'd rather forget, and we learn a little bit about her past.
1. Chapter 1

I was always the one people forgot about. All my other siblings had some unique characteristic that made them stand out from the crowd – even when we were all wearing matching sailor-suits or curtain outfits; there was something about the six of them that I always felt I'd missed out on.

Liesl was the graceful, naive and hopelessly romantic one. Friedrich was the one who desperately wanted to grow up. Kurt was always hungry and cracking jokes to make the younger children laugh. Brigitta was the bookworm, who noticed even the smallest of details and she wasn't afraid to speak her mind. And Marta and Gretl? Well, they were young and sweet and innocent and just wanted to be loved.

But I didn't really have anything like that. I was the brooding one, who hardly ever smiled. I was just lonely, left-out little Louisa.

My only real talent was the fact that I could make it into the governess' bedroom with a whole jar of spiders in my hand. But, honestly, in my opinion, I'd rather be known for having no obvious talent, than being good at playing tricks on the governess.

I never wanted anyone to find out how I felt. Of course, my brothers and sisters all knew – but as for the governesses, I never told any of them. Except Fraulein Maria.

I knew from day one that she wasn't an ordinary governess. When Father told us that he'd hired a nun-in-training to be governess number twelve, I can safely say I was probably the least enthusiastic. But by the end of her first day here, all of us had let our barriers down. That was when I knew she was different.

* * *

_Father called us all downstairs to meet Fraulein_ _Maria for the first time, with a hoot of that dratted whistle. Looking back, I realise I liked that whistle about as much as she did. After he'd introduced us all, he left, leaving us alone with Fraulein Maria. _

_I listened as Liesl and Friedrich introduced themselves to her again, before stepping up to carry out the same routine I'd carried out for the past eight governesses. _

_That was when Brigitta and I had first hatched our plan. To be completely honest, it really was all Brigitta's idea. After all, she was the intelligent one. If anybody else had asked me to do it, I probably would've said no. But I had always been close to Brigitta, even though there was three years between us in age._

_Anyway, her plan involved me telling the governesses that I was Brigitta and she would follow the act by telling her she was Louisa. Even though Father rattled off our names to each governess before he left us alone with her, all the governesses we had pulled this prank on had fallen for it. It had taken Fraulein_ _Josephine a whole week before she realised I was NOT Brigitta. _

_"I'm Brigitta." I told her. She'd asked for my age as well, but I had been stubborn and unco-operating for the past five years, so I didn't say I was thirteen. _

_Fraulein Maria wasn't fooled by the trick however. Like Brigitta said, she was smart. "You didn't tell me how old you are," she said. "Louisa." _

_By that point I knew Brigitta would have backed out. And sure enough, the next thing I knew, Brigitta was telling our governess her real identity – as well as a whole bunch of information about me. _

* * *

Honestly, I wasn't sure what to make of Fraulein Maria. But then there was the thunderstorm...

* * *

_I heard a thunderclap and saw the figure in the bed opposite me bolt upright. Gretl. 'Typical,' I thought. 'Oh well, she's only five.'_

_The thunder sounded twice more before Gretl could handle it no more. She threw aside her bedclothes ran out the door and down the hallway. _

_Marta and Brigitta decided they would stay in their beds all night because they were 'big girls', but a few minutes later, they were scared silly too and were racing out of the room. Not wanting to be the only girl left in here (Liesl had disappeared) I sighed and, tossing off my blankets, followed them. _

_As I expected, they were all in Fraulein_ _Maria's room. Gretl and Marta were sitting in bed with her and she was trying to take their mind off the storm outside. Though I wasn't the least bit scared, I played along with her game, covering my head at every noise and assuring her that Friedrich and Kurt wouldn't be seen because 'boys were brave'. But of course they did turn up, and we all knew it really had nothing to do with wanting to be sure we weren't scared. _

* * *

From that night on, when were all singing in her bedroom in our pyjamas, we all loved her. Yes, even me, who had a hard time warming to anyone, loved our new governess. But when Father brought Baroness Schraeder to visit from Vienna, she thought it was a wonderful idea to throw a huge party. Of course my siblings (at least the older ones) all knew why this idea made me anxious. But Fraulein Maria didn't. And as much as I loved her and trusted her, I wasn't ready to reveal this secret to her.

It was all to do with what happened at my last party...


	2. Chapter 2

The last time we had a party I was eight. It was right after Gretl's birth and Father decided to take some time off his business and relax with his family. Naturally, the first thing he and Mother decided to do was host a huge party.

We were all excited. Or at least, those of us old enough to understand what was happening were excited. That meant, of course that Marta, at two, and Gretl being a newborn had no idea what was going on. Brigitta, even at five could comprehend that was occurring was a major event. After all, she notices everything.

Oh, all except for me. I was sick with scarlet fever. I had to stay in bed for the entire party! Even Gretl saw more of it than I did, as Mother brought her down to care for her. But I was sick and I felt horrible. But even so, it wasn't as horrible as I felt in the following months.

Within a week of the party, Mother started displaying symptoms of scarlet fever. A week after that it was obvious she had caught the illness from me. And within a month she had died.

* * *

So that was my secret. My siblings all knew about it, but we never spoke of it. So naturally, I never told the governess. But as soon as the Baroness had proclaimed Father must throw a party, my heart had sunk to my shoes.

I stayed in the bathroom long after everybody else had gone to sleep, watching my tears drip steadily into the basin. It must have been an hour at least before I heard a knock from outside.

"Louisa," said the musical voice of Fraulein Maria. "Are you alright?"

I unintelligibly sobbed in response. The door opened and in walked my governess. She bent down beside me and put her hand on my shoulder, as if I were Gretl's age.

"What's wrong?" she asked again. "Your father seems to think the Baroness's idea to hold a party is a great."

After that I could stand it no longer. I began to sob once again. My knees buckled and I collapsed into Fraulein Maria's lap, burying my head in her skirt.

"Louisa, it's only a party," she said sweetly. "What's so fearsome about that?"

My mind brimmed with images of my mother and I began to cry again. But I couldn't keep crying forever; I knew that. If Father heard me and came to investigate, I would be punished severely. If I was feeling upset about my mother, my Father's reactions would a thousand times worse.

"It's about your mother, isn't it?" she asked. I looked up at her big eyes, full of genuine concern and worry for me. That's when it all became crystal clear; I trusted her. I loved her and she loved me back. Fraulein Maria was different from the other governesses. I could tell her anything.

Brushing a tear out of my eye, I nodded sadly.

She led me over to a bench against the wall and sat me down, before sitting down beside me and wrapping her arms around my body.

"Louisa," she said. "You're trembling. Now tell me what's on your mind. Please."

I heaved again, and unable to stop myself, the story spilled out. Within ten minutes Fraulein Maria knew everything that had been rolling around in my head ever since my mother died.

"I lost my parents too, you, know," she told me. "Louisa, you know as well as I do your mother wouldn't want you to sit around being miserable."

I nodded, once again, burying my face in her lap.

"Come on," she said. "I'll walk you to bed."

I smiled. She shouldn't be doing to me, not at my age. This sort of thing was meant for children Gretl and Marta's age.

"You're going to have a wonderful time at the party," she told me before leaving the bedroom.

"Do you really think so?" I asked.

"I promise," she whispered, before turning off the light and shutting the door.

* * *

As I lay in bed, I promised myself I would have a good time at the party. Fraulein Maria had promised to be by my side the entire time, which made me feel better already. For her sake, and my mother's, but mostly for my own, I would try to enjoy the party.

* * *

**I normally don't include notes down the bottom of my stories, but in case any of you are wondering about Gretl and her first party...for the purposes of my story she has no memory of the one Louisa mentions at the beginning of this chapter. **

**Oh, and the 'you're trembling' line is what Julie Andrews herself said to me when I met her for my birthday present. **


	3. Chapter 3

By the night of the party, I was so nervous, I couldn't even get dressed properly. My hands kept shaking and I couldn't think straight. Fraulein Maria offered to help me get ready, knowing how nervous I was. She had told Liesl to help the younger girls get ready; after all, the older children could get ready on their own.

Tonight I was wearing a white party dress that I had been given for Christmas last year. I thought I looked lovely wearing it; but then I remembered the reason I was getting dressed up and my stomach turned again.

"Oh, what's the matter with me?" I asked, as she helped me tie my hair back with a big white ribbon.

"Nothing Louisa. Nothing at all," Fraulein Maria told me for the umpteenth time since that confrontational night in the bathroom, "But you have to calm down. The more worked up you are, the harder it will be for you to enjoy tonight."

"But I'm still so scared," I said in a shaky voice. "What if after this party, Father gets ill, or you or Brigitta or..."

She pressed her finger to my lips, cutting off my rambling.

"Louisa," she said. "Everything will be alright. You can't run from your fears. You have to face them."

She tied the sash of my dress around my waist. She was humming something and before I consciously knew what it was, I was humming along too. When I realised what it was, I turned my head around to face her.

"Feel better?" she asked me.

Smiling at her, I nodded.

"You look beautiful. Now, come on, or we'll miss the start of the party." She headed towards the door. I didn't move.

"Fraulein Maria..." I called out.

"Yes," she said sweetly, turning back to look at me.

"Maria is my middle name." 

* * *

Fraulein Maria had been helping us to prepare a singing and dancing routine to perform for the guests at the party. We began practising the day after it was decided we would be hosting a party. Needless to say, images of the party and all of the things that could go wrong had kept entering my mind. So much so that I could barely concentrate on learning the steps and words our governess was attempting to teach us. More than once I collided with Brigitta as we practised out final steps; we were to flit around the hall and then disappear up the staircase. However, my mind had been so preoccupied that I hadn't even noticed my sister, standing less than two feet away.

* * *

Yet now, standing out on the terrace and watching as the first of the party guest trickled into the house I felt calmer for the first time since I'd heard about the party. I was going to see all the things I missed out on at the last party because I was sick.

When the music and dancing started, I became transfixed on all the beautiful ball gowns the ladies were wearing and how the men looked so handsome in their suits. I realised what I hadn't seen at the last party and that it couldn't be that bad after all.

All too soon, we had to rush off to prepare for our song. I could see the guests smiling at us as we sang our way up to our bedrooms, bidding them adieu. As Brigitta and I finished our final steps before disappearing up the staircase, letting Gretl sing the final notes of the song, I realised that Fraulein Maria had been right. She had told me my time at the party would be amazing.

And it had been.


End file.
